Drunken Billionaire Burns Down Mansion
Two really great posts are on the way: one a list and one a story. But at hand is the Batman.
MEGA SPOILER ALERT! TONS REVEALED! READ ON IF YOU DON'T CARE THAT THE MOVIE MAY BE RUINED FOR YOU!
Batman Begins
Where to bat-start? Hopefully you've seen this and you can just relive some bat-facts as a bat-warm-up and a bat-explanation for how the man became the Bat. Man.
Fact: Batman Fights Ninjas. Just saying that sentence should make your ears sweat. Real Ninjas. On top of that, Batman is a ninja. Is there anything he can't be?
Fact: Commissioner Gordon has driven the Batmobile. Does that even explain anything? Just a cool tidbit in the long run.
Fact: Batman has a cool inventor employee that hooks him up with all the military weaponry that is too expensive for real use. Did I mention that this employee is the coolest cat that isn't Michelle Pfeiffer or Halle Berry? Morgan Freeman will make you purr, as well explain a lot of the bat-story.
Fact: Bats are remote-controllable?
Begins was able to avoid . . .
1) Cartoon-y-ness. The days of Ahnold's "chill out!" have come to an end, and have been replaced by perfect dark and utter fear. Take the Scarecrow, this installment's headliner villain: his plan is to create chaos through fear-inducing hallucinogens that can really trip an audience out. Keep in mind that Christopher Nolan also directed Memento and Insomnia as you experience the absolutely terrifying hallucinations of Gotham. This is how the Dark Knight is supposed to be.
2) A lame supporting cast. Again, headliner stars like Uma, Ahnold and Jim Carrey are cute, but this is f-ing Batman we're talking about. Michael Caine had better be Alfred! Ken Watanabe had better be a mystical mountain warrior! Gary Oldman had better become an exact look-alike for Gordon! And Morgan Freeman had better show up somewhere! Ok. Good. Thanks.
3) Long waits. This thing gets cookin' fast, but trust that explanations are intermittent and sure to come. The fight scenes also don't drag on, which is refreshingly awesome.
4) The old theme song. For better or for worse. Methinks it was tainted in the later movies.
Begins could not avoid . . .
1) Comedy in the form of people drooling over the Batmobile. Bums on the street, the Comish, whatever. We get it. He has good gear, especially when it comes to the Bat-ride. The only guy that pulls off a little comedy about it is - surprise - Morgan Freeman. Man he's cool.
2) Rain-soaked scenes with an upside-down superhero that remind you so much of another recent box-office smash that you're praying Batman doesn't smooch the cracked out bum he's whuppin'.
3) A love interest. Or did it? I'm sure Warner Brothers made BB follow the superhero formula of the near-and-dear damsel-in-distress/sex object for the posters and talkshows, but when you finally hit the movie you only get a few lines and (count 'em) . . . one kiss from Tom Cruise's sweet little eye-candy. Katie Holmes does a fine job as a Bat-girl and fits in with the darkness better than she fits in at her boyfriend's 25-year high school reunion. The little tie-in at the end, however, is just as awkward. Seems like everybody forgot about the love story and had to stick that scene in to finish the checklist.
4) A villain hitting home. I mean, Wayne manner freakin' burns to the ground! I guess it's acceptable, seeing as how it is the League of Shadows and all (?). Perhaps the card was played too soon (again). On a side note, Liam Neeson preaching about being a warrior and managing your feelings? Anyone else have terror flashbacks to Star Wars: Episode I?
Wow. Alright. I spent too much time on the drawbacks. This is a fine, powerful piece of cinema. The shot panning over the Narrows as steam fills the streets and the unimaginable horrors of the gas find their way into the screams of the common folk? That's a good shot!
Final bat-thought so I can stop being a bat-nerd: that little kid we see so much of? I betcha his last name is Grayson (if you don't get that, look it up). Now go see this. Its awesome. Bat-tastic even.
And play the Bat-Game on the way there! Every sentence you speak has to have the word "bat" either before one of the nouns or in the place of the word "that."
MEGA SPOILER ALERT! TONS REVEALED! READ ON IF YOU DON'T CARE THAT THE MOVIE MAY BE RUINED FOR YOU!
Batman Begins
Where to bat-start? Hopefully you've seen this and you can just relive some bat-facts as a bat-warm-up and a bat-explanation for how the man became the Bat. Man.
Fact: Batman Fights Ninjas. Just saying that sentence should make your ears sweat. Real Ninjas. On top of that, Batman is a ninja. Is there anything he can't be?
Fact: Commissioner Gordon has driven the Batmobile. Does that even explain anything? Just a cool tidbit in the long run.
Fact: Batman has a cool inventor employee that hooks him up with all the military weaponry that is too expensive for real use. Did I mention that this employee is the coolest cat that isn't Michelle Pfeiffer or Halle Berry? Morgan Freeman will make you purr, as well explain a lot of the bat-story.
Fact: Bats are remote-controllable?
Begins was able to avoid . . .
1) Cartoon-y-ness. The days of Ahnold's "chill out!" have come to an end, and have been replaced by perfect dark and utter fear. Take the Scarecrow, this installment's headliner villain: his plan is to create chaos through fear-inducing hallucinogens that can really trip an audience out. Keep in mind that Christopher Nolan also directed Memento and Insomnia as you experience the absolutely terrifying hallucinations of Gotham. This is how the Dark Knight is supposed to be.
2) A lame supporting cast. Again, headliner stars like Uma, Ahnold and Jim Carrey are cute, but this is f-ing Batman we're talking about. Michael Caine had better be Alfred! Ken Watanabe had better be a mystical mountain warrior! Gary Oldman had better become an exact look-alike for Gordon! And Morgan Freeman had better show up somewhere! Ok. Good. Thanks.
3) Long waits. This thing gets cookin' fast, but trust that explanations are intermittent and sure to come. The fight scenes also don't drag on, which is refreshingly awesome.
4) The old theme song. For better or for worse. Methinks it was tainted in the later movies.
Begins could not avoid . . .
1) Comedy in the form of people drooling over the Batmobile. Bums on the street, the Comish, whatever. We get it. He has good gear, especially when it comes to the Bat-ride. The only guy that pulls off a little comedy about it is - surprise - Morgan Freeman. Man he's cool.
2) Rain-soaked scenes with an upside-down superhero that remind you so much of another recent box-office smash that you're praying Batman doesn't smooch the cracked out bum he's whuppin'.
3) A love interest. Or did it? I'm sure Warner Brothers made BB follow the superhero formula of the near-and-dear damsel-in-distress/sex object for the posters and talkshows, but when you finally hit the movie you only get a few lines and (count 'em) . . . one kiss from Tom Cruise's sweet little eye-candy. Katie Holmes does a fine job as a Bat-girl and fits in with the darkness better than she fits in at her boyfriend's 25-year high school reunion. The little tie-in at the end, however, is just as awkward. Seems like everybody forgot about the love story and had to stick that scene in to finish the checklist.
4) A villain hitting home. I mean, Wayne manner freakin' burns to the ground! I guess it's acceptable, seeing as how it is the League of Shadows and all (?). Perhaps the card was played too soon (again). On a side note, Liam Neeson preaching about being a warrior and managing your feelings? Anyone else have terror flashbacks to Star Wars: Episode I?
Wow. Alright. I spent too much time on the drawbacks. This is a fine, powerful piece of cinema. The shot panning over the Narrows as steam fills the streets and the unimaginable horrors of the gas find their way into the screams of the common folk? That's a good shot!
Final bat-thought so I can stop being a bat-nerd: that little kid we see so much of? I betcha his last name is Grayson (if you don't get that, look it up). Now go see this. Its awesome. Bat-tastic even.
And play the Bat-Game on the way there! Every sentence you speak has to have the word "bat" either before one of the nouns or in the place of the word "that."
posted by Jon at 3:36 AM
3 Comments:
I think you convinced me to see this movie... I didn't know it was directed by the same person who did Memento and Insomnia. That totally sold me. Hope your summer's going well!
-Tara
It's the Bat Wayne MANOR. Bat's all I have to say.
Oops. My bat.
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