Pittsburgh Deserves None of This
Here's the play-by-play for the 77th Midsummer Classic from the Steel City. With an unfortunate focus on FOX's broadcast.
Top 1, 0 out Brad Penny has a "heavy, boring Fastball" that pushes him through a heavy, boring inning. According to FOX, the leadoff hitter Suzuki (for some reason, they don't know his name is Ichiro) is keeping the Mariners in the AL West race. I'll take it.
Top 1, 2 out As Ortiz grunts with his monstrous swing, Joe Buck equates the 230 lb. Dominican to Wimbleton.
Bot 1, 2 out That ball boy seriously keeps falling on his butt.
Top 2, 1 out Vlad Guerrero, after a colossal home run to put the AL up 1-o, is featured in a FOX video set to the Wiggles' "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes," complete with rainbow crayon font labelling Vlad's respective body parts. He's then called "Mr. Head Shoulders Knees and Toes" by Joe Buck. Only fitting that the equally weird commercial making Buck the victim airs next.
Bot 2, 1 out Brad Penny's dugout interview is interrupted by David "Prince of NY" Wright's game-tying Home Run. Joe Buck seemingly blames Penny and the guy interviewing him with "Well, while you guys were talking, David Wright hit a home run." Please pay more attention, guys. Come on.
Top 3, 1 out Maybe they'll put Kenny Rogers in to replace Kenny Rogers.
Top 2, 2 out After an absolutely gushing Ichiro praisefest, Tim McCarver says that seeing Ichiro walk through the tunnel "conjures up images of . . ." Ooo, what legend will he bring up now? ". . . a ballet dancer." Son of a bitch. Ichiro lines out.
Bot 3, 0 out You're right, Joe Buck. Halladay pitching to Holliday is cute.
Bot 3, 1 out During his interview from the dugout, NL manager Phil Garner does the play by play of Soriano trying to score from second, ending with an "Aw, no!" instead of "out at home." It's pretty fun.
Top 4, 1 out I need to go start some laundry
Top 1, 0 out Brad Penny has a "heavy, boring Fastball" that pushes him through a heavy, boring inning. According to FOX, the leadoff hitter Suzuki (for some reason, they don't know his name is Ichiro) is keeping the Mariners in the AL West race. I'll take it.
Top 1, 2 out As Ortiz grunts with his monstrous swing, Joe Buck equates the 230 lb. Dominican to Wimbleton.
Bot 1, 2 out That ball boy seriously keeps falling on his butt.
Top 2, 1 out Vlad Guerrero, after a colossal home run to put the AL up 1-o, is featured in a FOX video set to the Wiggles' "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes," complete with rainbow crayon font labelling Vlad's respective body parts. He's then called "Mr. Head Shoulders Knees and Toes" by Joe Buck. Only fitting that the equally weird commercial making Buck the victim airs next.
Bot 2, 1 out Brad Penny's dugout interview is interrupted by David "Prince of NY" Wright's game-tying Home Run. Joe Buck seemingly blames Penny and the guy interviewing him with "Well, while you guys were talking, David Wright hit a home run." Please pay more attention, guys. Come on.
Top 3, 1 out Maybe they'll put Kenny Rogers in to replace Kenny Rogers.
Top 2, 2 out After an absolutely gushing Ichiro praisefest, Tim McCarver says that seeing Ichiro walk through the tunnel "conjures up images of . . ." Ooo, what legend will he bring up now? ". . . a ballet dancer." Son of a bitch. Ichiro lines out.
Bot 3, 0 out You're right, Joe Buck. Halladay pitching to Holliday is cute.
Bot 3, 1 out During his interview from the dugout, NL manager Phil Garner does the play by play of Soriano trying to score from second, ending with an "Aw, no!" instead of "out at home." It's pretty fun.
Top 4, 1 out I need to go start some laundry
posted by Jon at 5:50 PM
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